The anticipation is high, the holidays are upon us and another year is coming to its close. The expectation is that we should all be joyous, but maybe we’re not feeling the joy this time. That makes us feel even worse, that we’re not feeling “what we should.” Take comfort, it’s very common to “have the blues” when our holidays are just not the same, this time around.
Perhaps there has been illness, loss—of a loved one, a beloved pet, a job, or even independence that has been compromised. It may be the first time in decades holidays will not be spent at your dining room table with all the family, because you’ve moved. Or they’ve moved. Maybe you just can’t bake those holiday treats like you used to; or you can’t purchase all the gifts you have in the past. From time to time our lives simply don’t go the way we’d like or expect. The depression and sadness seems as though it will be our new normal. Others expect us to “snap out of it” because it’s the holidays and we all have to be happy. Lindsey Sherron, our Social Services Director at Residences at Deer Creek and at Residences at Coffee Creek, offers this encouragement as a first step to coping with holiday stress and sadness: “ I would encourage us to be patient with ourselves and with each other as we all navigate through this time.”
Lindsey has years of professional experience as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, helping others to understand that while feelings are real, with a measure of support, they can be managed. Her advice this season is to encourage everyone to reminisce with each other. Share stories, share traditions, thoughts, and yes, those feelings about the holiday season. Think about the great memories, wonder about new traditions that could be started this year and celebrated into the future.
“It can be a challenge to include our loved ones who have physical and/or cognitive limitations in holiday festivities. This challenge can leave us feeling guilty as we want our loved ones to be a part of the celebrations, however, this is not always feasible,” cautions Lindsey. She advises that rather than focusing on our feelings of guilt and our loved ones not being included, let’s focus on what we can do to celebrate with our loved ones’ limitations. Oftentimes, smaller, more intimate gatherings are more comfortable for our loved ones and give us an opportunity to truly enjoy each other’s company.
Lindsey suggests that the power of reminiscing can be easily obtained through memories of traditions, thoughts and feelings about the holiday season. She advises us to bring out photographs from previous holidays and share the feelings and love that resonates. We can’t repeat it enough—what great memories/traditions can we share? What new memories/traditions can we create as the needs of our loved ones change?
Let’s take Lindsey’s advice to heart. Let’s remember to be kind and patient with ourselves and our loved ones—that also bears repeating. Remember that when you observe someone who is feeling depressed, stressed, angry, who says they want to be left alone, lending a sympathetic ear, an invitation to share a memory, will make all the difference. After all,” ‘tis the season” for giving—an extra measure of kindness!